


Waiting

by luciusmistress



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-02-09
Updated: 2009-02-09
Packaged: 2017-10-15 03:16:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/156477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luciusmistress/pseuds/luciusmistress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sevvie misses Lucius. Bit of a character study. Lots of angst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waiting

 

Waiting

 

He had never felt so alone in his entire life. No one seemed to notice he even existed. All he had to amuse himself with were his studies, and still he didn’t seem to excel in them like he used to. He kept making stupid mistakes in the simplest of spells, which only made him feel worse.

Apparently the teachers had also noticed his failing standards. Slughorn no longer asked him questions in class and he hadn’t received an invitation to his last dinner party. Not that he went to the bloody things, but at least it had made him feel like he was wanted for something.

He knew he was pathetic for still waiting for an owl every morning, but he couldn’t help his heart beating faster every time the owls soared into the dining hall, his eyes searching for a familiar eagle owl. Not seeing it felt just as bad every time. _He_ seemed to have forgotten the moment _he_ left school.

During the summer he had come up with many plausible explanations that turned into feebler and feebler excuses. _He_ was busy getting into the real world, _he_ didn’t want anyone to find out, _he_ didn’t want to seem too interested… The list was endless. Amazing, really, what your mind can come up with, just so you don’t have to realise you’ve been rejected.

It had been almost six months. Six months of not receiving letters and still he waited. He had sworn to himself a thousand times that should a letter appear, he would not even bother to open it. Just throw it straight into the fireplace and watch it burn to ashes like his heart. The bastard didn’t deserve a reply after all this time.

Of course he knew in his heart of hearts that he would never actually do that. Instead, he would savour every word and humbly accept anything he’d be given. Even a minute of _his_ time would keep him happy for weeks. Anything, anything at all would be treasured forever. Sometimes he toyed with the idea of sending a letter himself, demanding an explanation or even begging for a reply. But that would have meant killing all hope. You did not make demands of _him_ , and begging would only make _him_ scornful. Besides, he preferred this to a cold statement of rejection.

He should have known this from the beginning. It had been much too good to last. Those long afternoons in the castle grounds, lazy weekend mornings in bed, gentle kisses and hungry caresses…things like that just didn’t happen to him. He had been an amusement, a way of spending the last school year, nothing more. Just killing time and practising bedroom skills for a while.

That man was so cold he was dangerous to all emotion. Nothing they had done together had affected _him_ at all. _He_ had never asked whether the other wanted it or not; _he_ had always known he would just be flattered that _he_ bothered at all. It could not have ended any other way, but the heart is blind and strong enough to make you close your eyes.

The next morning he did not even look up when the post came. Time to stop waiting. Sometimes you just had to go on existing although you’d stopped living. So it was a surprise to hear a familiar screech overhead. An eagle owl landed gracefully on the table and extended a leg.

There were no apologies, of course. He had not expected any. But there was an invitation to spend the Christmas holidays at Malfoy Manor. A lot more than he had dared hope for. A sudden bright sunshine expelled his darkness, again.


End file.
